How to Find Solace in the Grieving Process

Each of us grieves in our own way, but all of us can find comfort and consolation by looking past the circumstances surrounding the deaths of our loved ones and by focusing, instead, on when they were at their very best.

The loss of a loved can be a very isolating experience. When we're grieving, there is a natural tendency to withdraw into ourselves and to feel as though we are all alone.

Well-meaning friends will come to our aid, pray for us and console us for a time. But eventually, they expect us to seek closure, put the past behind us; move on with our lives. And, if we don't follow their advice, they may soon tire of our tears. They may distance themselves from us when we don't conform to their concept of mourning.

But, in truth, there is no right or wrong way to cope with the feelings of sorrow we experience after the loss of a loved one.

Each of us is different and the circumstances surrounding our loss differ.

Was the death sudden and unexpected? Was it lingering and foreseen? Was our loved one young or old? And how did he or she die? What was our relationship like? Did we have a chance to say good-bye?

All those factors and more can affect how long we grieve. There is no time line for mourning.

Try as we might to let the tears roll down our backs, the calendar has a way of reminding us of our loss. There are all those holidays, anniversaries and birthdays. There are the Golden Oldies playing on the radio, songs we used to dance to; there are all those re-runs of movie classics that we enjoyed together; and, the unexpected whiff of a familiar perfume or cologne as a complete stranger passes by.

Grief is a journey with many switchbacks, roundabouts and steep curves.

At times like this, our memories become our most treasured faculties for as the Irish like to say:

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal; but love leaves a memory no one can steal."

With our memories, we can cling with aching hearts to our loved ones.

The effort can be emotionally draining and physically taxing, if we focus on their death; but, by focusing on their lives, we can find comfort in mourning - just as the Lord promised to us.

We can call to mind cherished memories of times when our loved ones were at their very best; days when their spirits burned as bright as the flame on the sanctuary candle; moments when we exulted in their presence and our spirits soared with theirs.

The loved ones who have gone before us have left behind a spiritual legacy. It's written on our hearts; just waiting to be read. Our desire to pray for them is evidence of that spiritual legacy. Their spirit leads us in prayer.

Let us pray that the spirits of our loved ones might live on - in us and through us - as we prepare for the day when we, too, will leave our own spiritual legacy.

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